Yes! Victory!

Massive coup today, people. Huge news. The war is over, and Xbox won. For a while there, it seemed like Playstation was starting to edge out the old Microsoft Machine for quality, exclusive titles, but at last the tide of battle has turned. I don’t see how Sony can hope to return from the series of crushing blows just handsomely delivered from Bill Gates’ own knuckle-dusters. Are you ready for the big news? Are you ready for the revelation? Here it comes. I’m dropping the bombs.

The “Crysis 2” multi-player demo is now available, only on Xbox Live.

Boom.

Like, ONLY on Xbox Live. Not on PSN even remotely. They’re probably over there right now, thinking “I’d like to try ‘Crysis 2.'” Guess what? It isn’t going to happen. They could be dying of cancer, and the “Make A Wish” foundation would hand them that request card right back. Some things cannot be. One of those things is the “Crysis 2” multi-player demo on PSN.

You heard it here first (actually you probably didn’t; hearing it “first” isn’t really what we do at Padinga). Yes, acolytes of the cult of Sony, tuck your tails betwixt your legs and crawl away to whatever erstwhile cave of horrors birthed you. You have been bested by your moral superiors. This is only the beginning: now we have portions of games you can’t access, but soon we’ll have whole games whose honeyed flavors will never alight on your lips.

You’ll be stuck over there with whatever paltry rations the gods have apportioned. Yes, it will be a meager crop at the Playstation Farm this season, and Momma Playstation will weep and cry to the heavens, beseeching an unforgiving deity while her children eat gristle and bone. You’ll be living on nothing but “Mass Effect 2.” And “God of War III” was pretty recent, I suppose. And “LittleBigPlanet 2.” And “Uncharted 3.” And “Killzone 3.” And “inFamous 2.”

Pray to your heathen gods, you red communist scum. The winter of your discontent is upon you.