The Fall of Harmonix

Terrible news, Dear Reader. News that would be sad if it wasn’t so bitterly, horribly funny in a twisted way. The kind of news that reminds you there really is a Devil in Hell, and he really does want to ruin your birthday party.

What news is that, you ask? Well, according to the Wall Street Journal, the developer of “Rock Band” and “Dance Central” was sold to an investment group…for fifty dollars. Fifty. The price of a month-old video game. Viacom, meanwhile, made some sweet tax break cheese off the back end, because of course they did.

That’s just not right. Business is business, but some things just shouldn’t be done. Harmonix is, by any reasonable standard, a company filled with very nice people who are passionate about music and quality game design. They literally invented a genre with “Guitar Hero,” then stomached another developer stealing their work while they revolutionized again with “Rock Band.” Competing with “Guitar Hero” must have been an odd experience, sort of like Jeff Bridges fighting CLU in “Tron.” You’re at war with a shade of yourself, twisted and evil. But I digress.

So yeah, music rhythm games have vanished from the map all of a sudden; I told you that crap would happen. Casual gamers are the worst human beings in the world: they have no brand loyalty, no consumer pride, and once they reach a certain purchasing diathesis their wallets shut down and they never spend a dime on your product again. Not that I blame them, have you ever had a living room crammed with plastic instruments? It makes you look like a six year old.

But even if that bubble has burst, Harmonix has continued to be relevant. They are the only company that has made worthwhile software for the Kinect, with their superb “Dance Central.” If this proves nothing else, it shows that these are talented craftsmen with a generalized passion for music that can be applied to any number of ingenious, revolutionary new ideas down the road. Who knows what else this company could pioneer?

And now, they’ve been dropped off in a basket at the doorstep of some investment firm, while Viacom speeds in the other direction, collecting child support payments (metaphorically). I’m putting my foot down and saying “no” to that. No. Dear reality, undo yourself and try again. Some things simply cannot be.

Harmonix is not some upstart dotcom company, for the love of God! These are elder statesmen, and I demand that someone go nurse their boo-boo and tell them everything is going to be all right! I can’t watch good people go down in flames while the fruit of their labors gets pimped out on street corners. I can’t.

There’s a special place in Hell reserved for you, Viacom. Does loyalty mean nothing to you? Do you have any idea how much bank these people made for their investors? I don’t want to hear lectures about how it’s “just business,” or I don’t understand the costs Harmonix incurs, or whatever. I cannot believe it is good business to leave master artists stranded on the side of the road. There is no better investment than investing in talent, and nothing more crass than abandoning these people when they need you the most.

Harmonix will be back. And when they come back, and revolutionize the industry again, I hope you’re watching.