Dudes, check it out! Bethesda just released a new trailer for Skyrim! Man, I don’t have to tell you how much I’m looking forward to having this game in my hot little hands. Let me grab some popcorn, get mah brewskis, settle down in this comfy recliner, kick my feet up, and press play…
(1 minute and 5 seconds later)
OK what the fuck, Bethesda?! I’m covered in popcorn, I’ve got beer in my hair, and lying in a crumpled heap across the room from where I started. I think it was because my recliner exploded. Yup, there are definitely scorch marks on my ass. And I get the feeling that if I had a first-born child, they would have been struck down.
Seriously, Bethesda? You’re going to give us a LIVE ACTION trailer? I mean, it’s cool and all, seeing lovable well-known video game heroes rendered in real life… no, wait. That’s cosplay. Doing it in front of a camera, if it’s not feature-length, is just stupid. And even then, being feature-length guarantees nothing, as we all well know.
This? This is just a tease, and not even a very good one. We get a generic medieval town, SOMEHOW being set aflame, we don’t really see how, and this scrawny stick of a guy in cheap prop armor steps forward to face something out of Dragonheart? Where’s the rushing gouts of flame? Where’s the Hero with the Arnold-like physique? Where’s the GRAVITAS??! The entire trailer is laughable, what with its mystery firestarting and over-developed drama. No, wait, we do actually how one fire gets started: some VILLAGER knocks over a BUCKET.
Ok look, I know it sounds like I’ve got a beef with something here, and to be honest, I do. It’s not the game; Skyrim was one of my favorite games at E3 and I assure you most of my holiday gaming will be devoted to this gem. No, I’ve got a beef against live-action trailers. Really, gaming industry? Is this suddenly a “cool thing” or something, that every company has to do this? Live-action trailers serve no function other than to show you something which is NOT what you’re getting. Give us new footage, give us gameplay, give us cinematics, SHOW US THE DAMN GAME. Not some poorly-done interpretation of it. I love you, Bethesda, but this is why I gotta hit you when you misbehave.
