There are Triple-A titles…and then there are Single-A titles. It’s just like minor league baseball. And then there are titles that- like my hometown team the Worcester Tornadoes- don’t even qualify for an “A”.
Most media companies such as video game publishers follow a three-tiered “Killer-Pillar-Filler” strategy. And as such, somebody has to make the filler. But I do not mean to sound like a sarcastic ass about all this.
After all, the realm of reduced expectations is where pleasant surprise sleeper hits come from- think Scribblenauts, Demon’s Souls and especially Angry Birds (and the success of the download format through Xbox Live, PSN and others opens the floodgates for even more kooky stuff, at lower-risk, cheap prices). All that said, while many will try, few will make it.
And then there are some underdog titles that sound so strange (or are so strangely titled) that they genuinely intrigue me, for good or bad.
After the jump, I’ve assembled a list of the most bizarre of this lot.
1. Cargasm
I love racing cars so much that I…hold on….uhh uhh uhh UHHHHHH oh yeahhh….(wipes sweat from brow)
Whoever thought Cargasm would make a good title for a video game is a moron. It reminds me of the original Crash movie (not the Best Picture winner) where James Spader and Holly Hunter played perverts who get off in wrecked cars. Cargasm’s logo even looks like the cover of a lubricant made just for this purpose.
Who knows- this game might end up being amazing. But for everyone’s sake, Cargasm publishers, please change this awful name.
2. BurgerTime World Tour
I probably wouldn’t buy this downloadable game, but I get hungry just thinking about it. This is the update of a 1982 arcade game that I’d never heard of. It looks kind of fun, in a retro 80’s sort of way. But nothing I would go out of my way to play. Even if I was hungry.
3. Death Spank: The Baconing
I had never heard of Death Spank, but it was apparently good enough to yield two sequels. “Death Spank” sounds like something that might happen during Cargasm. I don’t know what “The Baconing” means, and the most recent trailer for the game yields few clues. See for yourself:
This game looks like nutty and irreverent, sort of in the same vein as Earthworm Jim, so I would definitely be tempted to give it a whirl.
4. Grotesque Tactics 2: Dungeons & Donuts
Yet another new game with food in the title. I don’t like RPG’s (this is a spoof of EverQuest and its ilk), so my interest in this game is dead on arrival. But just writing about it makes me want to buy a donut. The fact that I live next to a Dunkin’ Donuts doesn’t help. Mmm donuts… Omm nom nom nom…
5. Captain Morgan and the Golden Turtle
Yes! I’ve always wanted there to a hard alcohol-themed video game! “The Golden Turtle” must be a new hip mixed drink I’ve never heard of. What’s that, you say? This game has nothing to do with my favorite brand of spiced rum? Aww, shit….
Supposedly this is a spin-off of an adventure game called So Blonde (who comes up with these titles?). Other than that, I can’t really find any information on Captain Morgan and the Golden Turtle. As for my tastes, I guess I’ll have to wait for Juan Bacardi and the Amazing Blended Margarita.
6. Dear Esther
Finally! A video game whose name sounds like the beginning of a letter to your great-aunt who’s in a nursing home. “Dear Esther, About that will you’re having prepared…”
To its credit, this game actually looks really cool. This is a remake of a PC game that apparently won several awards when it was released three years ago. It’s described as an “experimental ghost story”, with the title (which does not sound lame, in context) referring to a letter (read, in voice-over) written to a woman who died a mysterious death. It feels like a supernatural Heavy Rain. I would definitely check this game out.
7. Spearfishing
Fuck yeah, spearfishing! I want to spear some fish!! In practice though, this sounds like Deer Hunter, but underwater. And Deer Hunter was B-O-R-I-N-G. I hope for its sake this game is much more exciting than that. I can’t see how spearing fish can constitute an entire video game. I guess I will have to spear some video game fish myself to see what it’s all about. That’s it, I’m hooked (har har…) Check out this bootleg-looking teaser trailer:
8. The Grinder
In Worcester, MA, they call a sub sandwich a grinder (or, rather, a “grindah”). So seeing this title made me hungry, once again. It turns out, though, that the title is a reference to “grindhouse” films. In this game (a fps for the Wii, and a top-down shooter for the PS3 and Xbox 360), you play a monster hunter shooting zombies, werewolves and more in an alternate-universe American Southwest. I guess this game will be all about the execution (again, har har…)
9. The Unstoppable Gorg
Based on the title I was worried for this game, but it turns out it’s an homage to campy 50’s sci-fi (think Plan 9 From Outer Space) and is very much tongue-in-cheek. It’s a tower defense game, which I’m not a big fan of, but if its intentionally cheeseball sci-fi details are quirky enough, I just might give it chance. Check out its “News on the March”-style trailer:
10. Fishing Resort
More fishing, this time on the Wii. A whole resort full of fishing! Wii developers have officially run out of ideas. Bring on the Wii 2 already!
And finally, in its own category of banality and underdog-ness:
***Honorable Mention***
Football Liga Polska 2012
Why they decided to make a video game based on Polish League Soccer, I have no idea. I didn’t even know there was a Polish soccer league.
I went to the game’s website to find out more information, and it said:
“Pierwszy w Polsce rewelacyjny menadżer polskiej ligi!
Przejmij stery swojego ukochanego klubu piłkarskiego i poprowadź go ku zasłużonej chwale!”
That looked like Alien language from The Unstoppable Gorg.
Just kidding! It’s Polish. Being Polish myself, I feel ashamed that I can’t translate this writing so I can better inform you what this game is all about.
I’m not sure how big a hit this game is going to be, outside of Poland. It’ll probably sell well in Chicago.
That’s it for this Fall’s bumper crop of under-the-radar video games, some so under-the-radar I couldn’t even find any information about them in English. Will any of these games make it to Triple-A?
Who knows?? You just might find me, in a couple years down the road, eating my words and begging for more Cargasms. (Okay…probably not.)
4 Comments
I’ve heard of…two of these games. And I’m POSITIVE you made up “Cargasm.”
Cargasm? Best… name… ever!
And the first DeathSpank is awesome, believe me. I’ve put in some time on that one. It’s a product of Ron Gilbert, the mind behind the first Maniac Mansion game, the first two Monkey Island games, and assisted with the Penny Arcade Precipice of Darkness games.
I don’t think The Grinder will ever come out at this point. After its absence at this year’s E3, I tried to reach the creative team that I’d once interviewed about it, and there’s no response. I don’t know if they’re even with the company now. Not on the website either. Too bad, it was a real fun idea.
I hope you actually read this cause i need to know but i heard that gretel and hansel 3 was supposed to come out a couple days ago but i havent seen it so is it out? if so were is it? if not will it be commin out? cus that was the game right there i mean that was it. the best adventure/puzzle game i ever did play.