Brace yourself, Dear Reader,

The other day, a good friend of mine set the world record for “Fastest Perfection Round” in the SWAT playlist for “Halo: Reach.” Honestly, I feel like I deserve most of the credit for this, as I was the one who talked him into buying “Reach” in the first place. It’s all thanks to me, is the point I’m getting at here. Lavish me with praise, if you’re going to lavish anyone.

I don’t even think Otis (not his real name) knew what he had done. So profound was his destruction of the puny mortals who stood in his way, that other people actually took note and uploaded the playback to YouTube for him. I’m honestly not even positive he noticed. He brushed aside the ragged corpses of men whose dreams would never come to fruition, whose children would never know their father’s faces, and strode out into the night, thirsty for more.

-AA

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