Talking To Games: Resistance 3

Hello Dear Reader–

For the uninitiated, “Talking To Games” is exactly what it sounds like: I personify a video game, and talk to it, trying to suss out some vaporous truth about its nature.

Today I’m going to sit down with “Resistance 3,” the upcoming shooter threequel from Insomniac Games, and discuss politics, religion, and the current state of the Libyan crisis. Then, at some point, we’ll talk about gaming, and that’s the part I’ll actually transcribe for you.

(M=Me, G=Game)

M: Hello, “Resistance 3.” Thanks for stopping by.

G: Thanks for having me.

M: I’m really excited about you, honestly. I was a fan of “Resistance 2,” which I guess is like your older brother or something. Are you about to blow me away with new stuff?

G: You know it, dude. We’re gonna have more of what you loved, man. We’re just building on the foundation and expanding outwards.

M: Sounds awesome. I mean, there’s really very few other games that allow for sixty player battles!

G: (clears throat) Yeah.

M: What?

G: Nothing.

M: You are doing the 60 player battles again, aren’t you? Because that was a really big deal to me.

G: Look, this is a bummer to admit, but we had to trim the player count down just a little bit.

M: Oh. So we’re back to 40, like the original?

G: Ah…yes, somewhere in that neighborhood.

M: Neighborhood?

G: It’s closer to 40.

M: Closer to 40?

G: Well, it’s closer to 40, than it is to 60. That’s for sure.

M: How many players?

G: 16.

M: 16 players? Are you kidding me?

G: That is closer to 40!

M: (sigh) I’m not happy about that, but I’m going to go along. You kept co-op though, right?

G: Yes. Of course we did. And you can co-op through the campaign now, as opposed to some weird side missions.

M: Awesome. I can’t wait to round up seven buddies and blast through the campaign!

G: Er…yup.

M: …You did keep the 8-player co-op, didn’t you? Because I really liked that.

G: This is hard. Listen, nobody is more bummed than me, but–

M: –How many co-op players?

G: 2.

M: You’re killing me here, dude.

G: Focused gameplay, man.

M: So you’re telling me that “Resistance 3” has less than half as many simultaneous players in both multiplayer and co-op, and no longer features a unique co-op campaign?

G: I suppose so.

M: Then why am I buying you?

G: Because I’m the next one.

M: What?

G: I have a “3” next to my title. As opposed to a “2.” So I’m better.

M: That’s it?

G: That’s what I got. That and some Chimera that jump really high. We call them–I think this is quite clever–“Longlegs,” and as you can imagine they really get aro–

M: –Get out.

-AA

my grace is sufficient