His name was Jump-man, and he was a construction worker. One day
while at work he’s witness to a giant ape (recently escaped from the
zoo) that grabs a woman passing by. This ape proceeds to
climb up several flights of scaffolding, woman thrown over his
shoulder, and at the top mocks the construction worker. The
construction worker, pissed off at his horrible early 80’s union dues,
decides to take his anger out on the ape and maybe even save
this damsel in distress, hoping to get a date. As he approaches the
first girder, the ape proceeds to jump up and down, the sheer weight of
such a large beast shifting and bending the girders and breaking
ladders in the process. Then the ape starts tossing barrels. Jump-man
is not discouraged by this, in fact he feels empowered because he knows
that he left some hammers around, perfect to beat the shit out of a
barrel with. Sweat dripping off his pixelated brow, Jump-man enters a
battle that will spark a revolution in gaming almost two decades later.
while at work he’s witness to a giant ape (recently escaped from the
zoo) that grabs a woman passing by. This ape proceeds to
climb up several flights of scaffolding, woman thrown over his
shoulder, and at the top mocks the construction worker. The
construction worker, pissed off at his horrible early 80’s union dues,
decides to take his anger out on the ape and maybe even save
this damsel in distress, hoping to get a date. As he approaches the
first girder, the ape proceeds to jump up and down, the sheer weight of
such a large beast shifting and bending the girders and breaking
ladders in the process. Then the ape starts tossing barrels. Jump-man
is not discouraged by this, in fact he feels empowered because he knows
that he left some hammers around, perfect to beat the shit out of a
barrel with. Sweat dripping off his pixelated brow, Jump-man enters a
battle that will spark a revolution in gaming almost two decades later.
After
defeating the ape, Jump-man, harassed by Peta for giving mulitple
concussions to an endangered species, decides to change his name and
his career.
defeating the ape, Jump-man, harassed by Peta for giving mulitple
concussions to an endangered species, decides to change his name and
his career.
Now, known as Mario, he joins the
plumber’s union and goes to work at his first job. Upon arriving at the
site he finds that the sewers he was assigned to work on are infested
with rogue turtles, spiky lizards, and crabs. What could make this job
any worse? Now Mario has competition… a rival plumber named Luigi.
The two go to work doing their best to clean out the sewers, but the
competition gets intense and the two rival plumbers get into such
brutal fights that they literally beat the wages out of each other’s
pockets. After what seems like a never ending battle against random
tortoises and crustaceans, Mario receives a letter in the mail from his
mother, and (like in so many soap operas) Mario finds out that his
rival is actually… *GASP* His long lost brother!!! Mario and Luigi
quickly bond, and keep secret the fun that they had beating up on each
other, like brothers do. The Spark that started with the giant monkey
becomes a silent flame for many years…
plumber’s union and goes to work at his first job. Upon arriving at the
site he finds that the sewers he was assigned to work on are infested
with rogue turtles, spiky lizards, and crabs. What could make this job
any worse? Now Mario has competition… a rival plumber named Luigi.
The two go to work doing their best to clean out the sewers, but the
competition gets intense and the two rival plumbers get into such
brutal fights that they literally beat the wages out of each other’s
pockets. After what seems like a never ending battle against random
tortoises and crustaceans, Mario receives a letter in the mail from his
mother, and (like in so many soap operas) Mario finds out that his
rival is actually… *GASP* His long lost brother!!! Mario and Luigi
quickly bond, and keep secret the fun that they had beating up on each
other, like brothers do. The Spark that started with the giant monkey
becomes a silent flame for many years…
