Bioshock Infinite Contains Terrifying, Yet Confusing Bosses

Sup gamers,

As we barrel down on Bioshock Infinite’s release date of October 16, Irrational Games and 2K are drip-feeding us with pre-packaged video docs on the more terrifying enemies of Ken Levine’s latest. If you thought the random denizens of Rapture gave you the willies, or the Big Daddies and Big Sisters haunted your nightmares, then check out this grab bag of bosses for Infinite dubbed the Heavy Hitters. Honestly, for as creepy and bizarre as they are, we’re more interested to see how the foes fit into Infinite’s overall game structure. The more we learn, the more confounding the game becomes. What secrets do you hold, Bioshock Infinite?!

Take a gander!

Songbird
You already know about Songbird, who looks like a winged Big Daddy eager to rain hell on your character (Booker) for freeing Elizabeth, Infinite’s secondary character. As you’ve seen in the year-old game demo, some of the more intense portions of the game will be when you hide from Songbird’s watchful gaze. Up until now, we thought this was the only enemy (besides the citizens of Columbia) you did battle with.

Motorized Patriot
We have longstanding fears that the automated Presidents on Disneyland’s Main Street will become sentient and rip our throats out. Sharing the same fever dream, The Simpsons parodied this in their Sixth Season episode “Itchy & Scratchyland”. The premise here is similar. Robotic flag-toting George Washington pumps lead into your dome until you destroy him. Creepiest part? Shooting away his fake face to expose his Terminator innards.

Handyman
This beast resembles a cybernetic gorilla giant, capable of tossing you across large expanses of the map. He’s also capable of long-distance charges, ready to shoulder-tackle you over the edge of Columbia. See those organs in the middle of his chest? We bet if you shoot it – like our favorite Star Wars villain General Grevious (a robot alien who coughs!), you might be able to inflict MASSIVE DAMAGE.

Boys of Silence
Sounding a lot like an alt-rock band, Trumpet Head is able to hear at long-range through the use of a specifically designed mask. According to the vid doc, their purpose is to replace security cameras from the original Bioshock. Hope you like stealth sections!

Sirens
Okay, now you’re not even trying, Irrational Games. We’ve seen this shit before. She’s the type of enemy that brings fallen bad guys back to life until you shoot her down. Or rather: extremely irritating.

So there you have it. Bioshock Infinite basically added variety in the enemies you’ll be facing. The dev teams can put all the spin they want on how unique they are, but at the end of the day, they’re just basic monsters with a fresh coat of pain on them. Our excitement level remains orgasmic because BI is at the top of our lists for the fall.