No. No you did not, Gearbox. You did not just push “Duke Nukem Forever.” You can’t. This is the un-pushable game. It cannot be nudged, shoved, tickled, cajoled or caressed. This thing has two speeds: “coming out when it was promised to us,” and “does not exist.” And I like you guys, Gearbox, I really do, but you just lost my vote. I don’t know if I’m buying the game now, but I know I’m not standing up for it anymore.
Oh, I know, it’s a small push. Almost imperceptible; that’s honestly part of what makes it sting so much. Every time we give you people (“what do you mean you people?!!”) an ounce of patience, it snowballs into two years of waiting. Recovering alcoholics can’t have just one drink, and “Duke Nukem Forever” can’t get pushed just a little bit.
But I’m a reasonable man, so let’s talk. Here’s what you do to make this right, Gearbox: put up something real. How about a demo? Better yet, maybe an MP beta? Show me you’re committed. At this moment, I’m Beyonce, and you’re a scrub trying to get those digits. If you like it, then you should’ve put a demo on it.
-AA
And bread it shall remain
