First off, happy 4th of July to all of our readers out there (except, I suppose, for the British. Go have a nice cuppa and we’ll give you yours on November the 5th) . I hope everyone was able to celebrate and blow off some fireworks without, in the process, blowing off any digits, eyes, or genitals.

It could only get more patriotic if the moon-lander were flying overhead, dropping apple pies on atomic families

Now, on to games.

Ever notice how the more ‘adult’ the content of a game title is, the more juvenile it somehow becomes? Ironic that. More poop jokes, crude language just for the fuck of it, blood and nudity everywhere…

Despite that, if blood, guts, and boobage are what you’re on the lookout for, at least some games are happy to serve it up unabashedly. Some days, you just want to come back from the office, loosen you tie, and go back to the way it was when you were 12. Its nice when a game company will offer that up with pride. I mean, if you’re going to pander to our basest of instincts, lets not fuck around with it. Just stick the boobs in our faces already, and make sure they’re covered in the vino.

One game that is doing just that is No More Heroes: Heroes’ Paradise. I mentioned this game during the E3 coverage, having had a chance to demo it on the Move. One feature wasn’t shown at the Con, though, that I just noticed…

After the jump, we’ll discuss the Japanese trailer for the game, and everything that it entails.

Okay, so, in Japan, the game is called No More Heroes: Red Zone. I was digging around on Youtube for some info, and came across this trailer that was released about mid-April:

Okay, so obviously this edition, like the US release, has the uncensored cursing and the bloodshed that Konami added back into the title and… wait, what was that about 1:30 in the trailer? Is that… is that a naked chick on display?

Yes, it seems that one of the features of Red Zone is a character gallery. That’s great! And… you can strip the characters nude and then move them around 360 degrees? Seems like that would like to some pretty compromising images. Oh, yes, yes it does:

Hey, look, a relatively innocent character model...
Well, that seems a bit risque...
aaaand I'm pretty sure that's a vagina. If you click to enlarge the image, I'll know it...

Well, you can sure say this for Konami, they really try to please every gamer who picks up one of their titles. There’s really not a single hedonistic delight your senses won’t find to be set a-tingle by Red Zone.

No word yet on whether or not you’ll be able to strip the dudes down in the character gallery and check out their wangs yet. Don’t worry chick/gay-guy gamer, I’ll let you know as soon as possible.

Seriously, though, who’s really attracted to the way these character models look? I mean, I may-or-may-not have banged one out with a girlfriend while we were watching Hentai in the past *cough* but the No More Heroes characters are more gross than alluring. I mean, I guess if you get turned on by some Aeon Flux looking characters, then by all means get your perv on to the game. For me, its a bit too much like masturbating to a mannequin, and that’s just not a selling point… not after what happened last time…

 

They still haunt my dreams at night. I’M SORRY KIM CATTRALL! *

*image by Koukei, master of photoshop

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Dustin Hall is a megalomaniac from the small town of Baldwin in Kansas, now wandering the deserts of Las Vegas in search of new victims. He was probably conceived at a Van Halen concert and raised on a diet of sci-fi and horror movies, fed to him from a disturbingly young age by his uncle. A gamer from a young age, Dustin grew up on a diet of Atari 2600 and NES. He worked for 10 years as the manager of a game shop, and has owned and played nearly every system known to man. Somehow, this all led to a career in writing and collecting unemployment checks. He is also a contributor for the film site BrutalAsHell.com, and is working with PMP Productions on making a few horror films of his own.

2 Comments

  1. Justin Shaikewitz on

    Dude people get off on pausing Smash Brawl and taking a gander up Princess Peach’s dress.

    Nothing really suprises me anymore about this kind of stuff. Does it really suprise you?

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