Today, I’m here to talk with you about a member of our Game
Show crew who doesn’t get nearly enough credit for all his hard work. First, a
little set up.
In many ways, BreakmanX is like the Beatles of video game
podcasts. Break is our Paul McCartney (pixie-like and whimsical), Q is our
Lennon (Brooding, and his wife will one day want her own segment on the show,
and it will cause turmoil), Richie is George Harrison (because I need it to fit
with this analogy), and I’m Ringo Star because I came in last as was a fill in
for Wiizer Jedi, who was Pete Best. And that would make Mecha…Tony Sheridan.
We’ve come together, and through hardship we plan on bringing you the highest
quality of entertainment that will eventually spark a cultural revolution, and
shape a generation. The ladies will go ape-shit.
But, much like with the Beatles with Billy Preston, we have
our own fifth, uncredited, member who, without which, the show would be an
impossible dream. You all know him, you all love him. Let’s talk a moment about
Satan.
video game industry. Ask any conservative Christian, they’ll tell you, video
games are born of Satan . He’s not
just that guy who likes to interrupt Q’s rants during the show, and yell into
the mic. He’s the cornerstone of entertainment.
His beginnings were humble. In secret, Satan loosed Pong upon the world, which then led to the ATARI. Back in these days, none would
have imagined the hellish origins of video games, even with such clues as Demons
to Diamonds lay throughout the industry. Many would assume this to be done this
on purpose; a trap lay to crush as many souls as possible with the release of
the video game E.T.
Those assumptions were correct.
Little by little, Satan has been increasing his influence in
the video game world, until he recently took over the company EA, Electronic
Arts, and utilizing its income derived from successful sports franchises, he
will eventually buy out every smaller developer and control all video game
software releases (Hellgate London, anyone?) . The only exception to this will be Nintendo, who are
protected by Mario (an avatar for Jesus Christ).
While Satan may control all of the software in the world,
what about the hardware? Well, did you know that Bill Gates is, in fact, the
son of Satan? And he begat Microsoft, which then begat the Xbox! Another
infernal machine made to bring you sinful pleasures and capture your soul! Well
done, Satan. Now if the darn thing will just work long enough to get its job
done…
Despite his amazing influence over the game market, filling
titles with sex and blood, and then marketing it to children, Satan has had
very few direct appearances in video games. Early in his career, Satan made an
appearance in the game Devil World on the NES. Seeing early that Nintendo was
not willing to play ball with his antics, he soon left to the world of PC
games, where he would bide his time.
In his PC dominion, Satan would unleash hordes of his
minions in Doom, and then Diablo, two of the largest PC franchises ever, to
satisfy the bloody, carnal desires of game players everywhere. Doom has
returned to the console market since then, and continues t
o be a stable source
of blood and intestines for many gamers.
Now that Sony has become a staple game console, one can see
a demonic influence on their devices as well. Many forms of the Nemesis can be
found in the Castlevania game series, though always under the control of
Dracula (it is fiction, after all).
Recently, the hordes of Hell can be seen in the series Devil
May Cry, where even the protagonists are kissed by devilish lips and used
infernal powers to save the day.
Satan’s presence is more directly felt in the dark RPG
series Shin Megumi Tensei, especially in the installment Nocturne (known as Lucifer’s Call in the UK).
The Dark Lord himself also made an appearance back on the
PC, in the Adult Swim Flash game ‘Bible Fight’, where he battles such figures
as Jesus and Moses, much to the disdain of Christians everywhere.
Despite loaning his minions out to so many games, an running
a media empire, Satan still finds time to join us once every two weeks in the
studio for The Game Show, and we couldn’t be happier. Take a moment to praise
him here in the comments, and tell us your favorite moments where, while
gaming, Satan came out and touched your life. Maybe it was during Guitar Hero 3
while playing Devil Went down to
maybe it was when summoning Diablos in Final Fantasy; but make no mistake he’s
everywhere, and if you’re a gamer, he’s part of you.
